You are a leader. You are ambitious, and you are busy. The truth is, it's rewarding. It feels good to be successful!
However, when we begin to forget the other parts of who we are, your career can become unhealthy. What happens when you keep falling off the wagon when it comes to your health? When you make changes for a while, but just can't seem to sustain them?
It is hard to admit that the thing we prize most about our life - our successful career and the accolades that come with it - may be the exact thing that is disrupting our achievement and success in our health.
I know, as a fellow member of the Very Ambitious Person Society, that it can be really hard to think that I can't control or succeed at something that I am putting my mind toward. Really hard!
I want to let you know first and foremost - if you are not succeeding in health - it has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH WILLPOWER!
There are a whole bunch of reasons why it has nothing to do with willpower... the primary reason is because willpower is finite and we use it up during the day so it will never work. Other reasons include circadian rhythms that make us lose our inhibitions when the sun goes down, which is why we always end up overeating at night (among other things we do without inhibition), and also because of hormones.
Hormones get their own paragraph. I'd give them their own article, but my business coach tells me they are too boring! Our hormones are in charge. It doesn't matter what we think or tell ourselves, in the end we do what our hormones tell us to do -- not what our brains are saying. Things that cause our hormones to hijack our actions: stress, emotional triggers (like a fight or a rough day), stress, age, stress, monthly changes, stress, sugar, stress, poor diet, stress, caffeine, and... did I mention stress?
If you are ready to take charge of your health a different way, then I have the answer. It all starts with aligning our actions with our values. If you really truly desire to reach and maintain your body's ideal natural weight, then it is time to prioritize it. This is the part where you pull that thread and see where it leads you. The actions you need to take are not the same as the ones I need to take or any of my other clients need to take.
Finding the middle ground seems elusive in the beginning, because we aren't used to taking it. Lots of my clients tell me they really don't know what the middle ground would be. That applies with clients who are looking to give up the dieting mindset (of deprivation as the only way to lose weight) as well as create sustainable exercise patterns (not going hard for 6 weeks... then quitting). No matter what your middle ground is, if you are used to going "all in" it can be hard to figure out how to do something else... something that may feel like "not enough" but in reality is exactly the answer that will allow you to succeed! We have to carve new neural pathways to do this. The steps are simple, though not always easy.
I always approach things by focusing on practical steps you can take right now - using smart scheduling (and, OK, a teeny tiny bit of willpower - just in the beginning!) I couple this logistical side, or "pre-planning" as I call it, with the emotional/spiritual/hormonal/stress detangling.
So as we figure out what your emotional/spiritual/hormonal/stress triggers are and eliminate them from the source, you sustain yourself with the pre-planning, and eventually these meet in the middle... Yes! That is the middle ground that we are looking for!
And it is from this middle ground that you really can achieve your ambitions in both career and health, without sacrificing one for the other, but truly having it all!
We all need to channel our inner angel. Open your heart and release the modern day stressors that follow us and separate us from our own inner guardian angels...
This is something I've been thinking about lately.
Old & Sexy?
This is a subject that I've been grappling with. Ever since I had kids I've felt... well, old. I know I'm not really *that* old, but something has changed.
A big part of what I realized was going on is that I am mourning my maidenhood... our culture, our society worships being thin... but it also worships youth.
The truth is that I actually thought I was immune to the media messaging. I thought I was "above" worrying about how I looked. But the truth was that I was young, and I was on the lean side naturally. My struggles with weight were short lived, as I was forced to come to terms with my emotional eating a young age.
The truth is that I was not immune AT ALL. In fact, a lot of the messaging was deeply ingrained, and as I near 40, I come face to face with my wrinkles, my squishy, jiggly body (not youthful and taut), and it's really difficult.
What Women Are Feeling As They Reach 40
Sadly, I'm not alone. It feels very lonely to feel sad that you don't meet media's messaging about who you should be. But it's not lonely. In fact it's pretty damn highly populated over here. I speak to woman after woman who deals with these issues, whether it's weight or age or both.
Personally, I have a really high level of awareness around these emotions and thoughts, and I manage them pretty well. And it's still a work in progress! It HAS to be - we are constantly exposed to bullshit in the media that tries to tell us what we need to look like!
I work with some of the most amazing women. They are ambitious, manage a full and rich life, and I can tell you many of their amazing achievements... and I can also unfortunately tell you of how they struggle.
Let me share what some of these awesome woman have told me...
I’ve been struggling since my second child... I obsess about how my body looks... not necessarily with my weight...if I lose some weight, I think I’ll feel better... I need a positive outlook. I’m not skinny. I always had a belly... I never felt like I needed to lose weight, but always thought, "A few pounds less and I’d look better and feel better."
The good news is that P.L. also had an amazing sense of gratitude! This was a saving grace that we focused on as her personal strength!
P.L. had a humorous approach to making sure her mindset was top notch:
I don't know if it's feasible; I need mental acceptance, if I can see myself as attractive at size 14, I’ll take it! What's more feasible? Get more in my head and change my outlook... or lose the weight?
With this in mind, she prioritized her goals of body movement and made sure she built up her confidence with daily movement alongside a personal affirmation practice!
We Feel Invisible
Here's one that is so often repeated in nearly the exact same sentiment...
I’m invisible, nobody sees me anymore.
I think almost any woman approach 40 and definitely in her 50s or 60s or beyond has felt this. This is the result of a three fold situation!
1) Men from ages 15-75 pay attention to 25 year old women at disproportionate rates. Not much we can do about that, but they do notice women of all ages, I promise.
I had about a year when I was obsessed with my wrinkles!!! But after my experiment with botox, I was literally EXCITED to get my wrinkles back!!! Haha!
My client P.L. said the same thing:
It's the youth obsession. I would never consider body enhancement... but now I see myself considering it!!!!! Thinking it!!!!
Luckily she knew it was her environment talking and not her real self. She, like me and many of my clients, used mindset work to retrain her brain out of these self harming thoughts and think positive thoughts about earning her wrinkles instead!
2) We stop going putting ourselves out into the world in a way that attracts attention. We aren't dressing the same, we aren't going to the same places, and most of all we aren't putting our energy out there in that way. We're busy, and probably tired. The answer here is deep self care and some time being a bit naughty with fun girlfriends!
E.D. identified this issue for herself:
I have a hard time to carve out time for myself. I don't have much me time... I’m always running out of time; food is the last thing I put on my schedule... water, coffee, toast, I used to eat smoothies in the morning... I don't have time to make it. I don't have time... I need to schedule ten minute to eat something healthy.
What was her answer? This is where my logistical approach to meal planning and preparation (sometimes I call them pre-decisions) was the way to save the day. She treated every day like a work day and was able to prepare her food in advance and start making these changes!
3) We lose our confidence. This is a result of f*cked up societal messaging, but we CAN overcome it, just like P.L. did!!!
I have felt this, and so has A.Y. She said:
I want validation with myself! I want to be happy. It's hard. How I feel strong at work, in my relationship, in my sex life... right now it's not happening...
She really called it out! When we feel bad about ourselves it affects EVERYTHING in our lives! And when we can boost ourselves up into a place of confidence, it also affects everything in our lives... in a good way! Even our problems become more manageable and we are able to act from a place of confidence in crisis.
How Our Inner Goddess Can Help Us
I like to look at our lives through the lens of the inner goddess. In many stories, there is one character (or sometimes several characters) who represent the arc of a woman's life: Baby, child, maiden, mother, grandmother, crone. Most of our adult life happens as maiden, mother, and grandmother.
But unfortunately our media tells us that the only one of those worth celebrating is the maiden. So of course it's a bitter pill to swallow when we leave that phase of our life behind. And it's ok to mourn the loss of your maiden (which happens more with age than actual motherhood, though both can trigger it). But it's not ok to stay in mourning of this transition.
And the truth is that, just like the stories, we actually have all of those inside of us all of our life, it's just that we don't have access to them. But once you've lived the various parts, you can actually tap into them easier. I'll be honest, it's swimming upstream because of how the media portrays women. But it's time.
It's time to embrace the mother and the grandmother. It's time to allow for love, sensuality, and yes even sexuality to belong to a woman at any age! It's time to celebrate our wisdom and our wrinkles as hard earned badges that we can and should be proud of!
Is old the new sexy? I don't know, but it definitely should be!
Do you want some personalized help to channel your inner goddess for balance and wellbeing? Check out my Inner Goddess Habit Coaching!
How getting in touch with your inner queen goddess can help you boost your confidence, lose weight, give up the yoyo approach to health, and make sustainable changes that last!
Get your copy of the "Emotional Eating Detox" guided journal AND get free support videos as well!
Hera in the Myths
Hera is usually represented as somewhat jealous and vengeful. However, it is interesting because she is most often in reaction to her husband having an affair with other goddesses or mortal.... not exactly a fair context to view her in.
Hera knows what she wants. When you channel your inner Hera, you learn to trust yourself and to know what YOU want, too! By becoming more mindful you can learn to trust yourself and build you own inner confidence.
Hera in Your Life
Channelling your inner Hera is the opposite of going on a diet! It is using mindfulness to KNOW what you want, and using mindful eating to make sure you are not using food as a short term fix for other issues.
Hera in Balance
When HERA is IN balance, you can experience both her feminine and masculine power, essentially your own intuition AND your confidence in going for what you want! You know what you want, and you trust yourself. With food, you can APPROPRIATELY enjoy food and indulgences alongside other healthy foods AND good company, and your inner Hera can do her job in peace.
Sign up for the "Emotional Eating Detox," eat the foods you love AND channel your inner Hera!
After having kids my hormones have been super out of whack.
I slept poorly (even long after my kids were sleeping through the night), & I had painful periods.
(What a weird word, "period," but I have to admit even though every woman menstruates, I still find talking about it "publicly" is a bit awkward...and when I'm with friends I'm either crass or ridiculously casual!!! Kinda like when I go to my lady parts doc and I wanna say "My puss has been feelin' this." Or "My twat has been doing that." but DUDE, I can't say "PUSS" or "TWAT" to my DOCTOR!!!! SO then I feel obliged to say vagina, which I NEVER use in my regular life, and it's all just so awkward.)
Anyway... It got my thinking about hormones and the role they play in so many people's lives. I love to say that hormones make most of the decisions, and hormones always win.
This is true. Hormones are often why we can't resist sugar/fat/salt. Crazy but true. Stress and junk food both send our hormones on their own little rollercoaster and both end up with cravings that we literally can't resist. That's why willpower has nothing to do with weight loss. Which is why you should take my quiz and find out who is actual culprit!
I am SO grateful I got some amazing help from a naturopath and an herbal remedy that has basically resolved my hormone issues! Yes, sweet sweet sleep is my friend again (for the most part... I still get interrupted more than I like and have hard time going back to sleep after my child asks me to hold his tissue while he blows his nose at 2am... but at least I don't wane up randomly anymore).
But I know that for many women I meet and clients I work with, hormones play a role... and more often than not it is stress hormones. Which is why I'm super excited about my new quiz to help you figure out which of the most common culprits are causing all of YOUR problems! Find out who YOU get to blame!
And then, of course, let me know!!!!!
I'm talking about Chakras.
The body wisdom I'm talking about is super simple techniques to get in touch with your own body and its wisdom. It's not yoga, even though I went ahead and mentioned chakras finally. There is some overlap in that yoga is definitely based on body wisdom as well. But what I'm showing you here and in my other Body Wisdom videos is much simpler than that. It's just ways ways to feel better and know yourself better, which helps with SO MANY things in life.
I realize chakras have a lot to tell us, but that's not what this particular post is about ;) Chakras capture huge ideas and potential - about abundance, pleasure, and more. But at a minimum, they also just refer to a basic area of the body. So even if the idea of chakras weird you out, just go with it. I'm introducing a way to relax and improve the health of your entire lower abdomen / lower back area...summed up as the sacral chakra :)
Oh yeah, the all important self care. The thing we all sacrifice to take care of other people, to work a little harder on our job, to get ahead a bit faster, or sometimes just to get by. But it really is essential to take care of ourselves. That's what this body wisdom can teach us - simple ways to get in touch and give a bit of care.
Take Me To Bed
Okay, not really, but take this idea to bed. I literally had NO self care and had only excuses when my physical therapist would ask why I didn't do my neck exercises, or whey I stayed up too late working, or why I felt like shit all the time. And then I realized I could do all these amazing self care routines IN BED!!!!! It changed my life.
I stretch laying down; I meditate laying down; I journal laying down... I basically do all my self care laying down!! It's amazing.
And of course... let me know what YOU feel when you give this a try!!!!
Take me to bed with you... for real!!!
And do this simple secret before you go to sleep.
Just kidding. Actually, it's so simple you can watch it and then go to bed after, because the blue light from your screen is bad for your sleep (and likely adds anxiety).
We Are All Stressed
This simple secret is a fantastic antidote for 21st century stress - the stress you feel, your friends feel, your husband/wife/partner feels, your colleagues feel... and sadly almost all of us feel.
While it manifests in different ways - anxiety, depression, general stress, even anger - the chronic demands society puts on us, and our inability to create the community we need to counteract those demands, adds up!
Hold Your Heart
In this simple technique (technique is too complicated(, you literally hold your heart. We all need a bit more nurturing in our lives, and this is a way to give it to yourself.
Add a Twist
You can really amp up the relaxation by adding a simple twist. Turn your knees to the right and hold your heart; turn your knees to the left and hold your fake heart (right side).
Take Me to Bed
This is why I tell people to take these videos to bed!!! They are soooooo simple and relaxing and really help you detach from some of the day before you head off to sleep.
I totally sucked at self care until I started doing my self care in bed!!! All the things I love to do that make me feel great: journaling, reading, stretching, body wisdom, meditation (I do it laying down), self massage, and other things all happen in bed. And frankly, I really never could get them into my life until I figured this secret out!
So while you may not want to actually take your screen to bed (like I said, the light it emits is bad for your sleep), you should take these ideas to bed and give them a try!!!
And of course, let me know when you do!!!
Have a friend who feels anxiety? Be sure to share this video!!!
Thinking about getting botox?
Yeah, I was, too.
And then I did.
This is what I learned.
Why do you want botox?
First of all, make sure you consider the reasons you are seeking botox. This should not be something you are doing because you are worried about what other people think. You need to make sure you're coming from a healthy place.
What are your expectations?
The botox might not give you the results you are hoping for. I got it 4 times and only once did I feel truly satisfied with it. And it wasn't the last time, or I'd probably be getting it again! haha!
How does your body react to things?
Are you sensitive? I am. I'm honestly not that surprised that I got a headache from the treatment, despite that I didn't realize it for the first three times due to extenuating circumstances around my neck causing headaches in the time frame I got the first three rounds. So, if you are sensitive, you might have side effects that don't make it worth it.
What's the bottom line?
Honestly, go for it if you want to. We are all vain in certain ways - our clothes, our makeup, our hair, our shoes, our purses... whatever. Maybe botox will help soften up some lines that bug you. Or maybe it won't. In the end, you only know what you'll get if you try it, and if you go into with the right attitude, you'll be able to confidently decide whether or not it's worth it to you.
What about emotional eating?
And, as always, what does this have to do with emotional eating???? EVERYTHING!
It's ALL connected, and we are all susceptible to vain thoughts.
If we live in fear of people finding out we are vain, or discovering we got botox, or not getting botox but wishing we had... we are shutting down our emotions and making ourselves susceptible to numbing by any means... whether overeating, over drinking, smoking, gambling, having too much sex, drugs, or whatever unhealthy behavior we use to forget our pain as being out of alignment and under stress.
By addressing ourselves WHOLLY, even our vanity and other "weaknesses", embracing them, and accepting them for what they are, we can make choices that leave us feeling our best, no matter if we get the botox or not.
What do you think? Have you thought about botox? Have you tried it?
Yup. That's right. I'm talking about Aunt Flo.
Your Body & Your Emotional Eating
Welcome to the first in my body wisdom series!!! It's not yoga. It's definitely not exercise. It's just simple ways to get in touch with your body and treat it better.
What does this have to do with emotional eating? A lot, actually. It's that disconnect between body, heart, and mind that leads to emotional eating. And it's when we try to "fix" our food problems without listening to our bodies that the problems get worse.
So the next time you get your moon, you are menstruating, or Aunt Flo comes to visit... Take a nap. Tell everyone to leave you alone. Even if it's just ten minutes. Just be. Be still. Relax those tense muscles. It makes such a huge difference!!!!
Oh, and drink some extra water!!!! I forgot to say that on the video :)
And of course, after you make it a point to lay around a little during "that time of the month" let me know how it makes you feel!!!
I know I've felt less worn out when I've been able to do little period power naps.
In the health world people like to talk about holiday weight gain. It's a lie.
Happy New Year!!!!
The truth is that holiday weight loss can happen just as easily as holiday weight gain. And even if you do gain weight, it's not the 7 pounds average other so-called gurus are trying to scare you with. Holiday weight gain statistics are not that stark.
But if your new year's resolution weight loss goals feel at odds with the new year's weight loss statistics, then rest easy.
I have a different kind of weight loss plan.
This is not like a weight loss challenge, where you try to starve yourself and obsessively watch the scale. This is not a series of weight loss tips that work for a while, and then someone stop working. This isn't even really a weight loss program, because there are no rules, nothing to give up, nothing to stop eating.
This IS an approach to weight loss that works. It is one of the healthiest, easiest, and fastest ways to lose eight that STAYS off.
This IS a "program" that allows you to eat every single food you love, without restriction or ever feeling hungry.
Don't start at the end
Most health advice is totally backwards. It starts off by telling you what to eat, what not to eat, and counting all kinds of numbers. BORING!
I don't waste your time with any of that nonsense.
Okay okay, it's not total nonsense. There are times when focusing on specific things in your diet and counting specific numbers are really important. But for the VAST MAJORITY of people who simply want to lose weight and look and feel their best... it is not necessary to count anything, and in fact it will backfire, ruin your so called "Diet" and end up making you eat more junk food in the long term.
Because it's more than boring to count all those numbers, it's depressing and it is a distraction from what is actually going on in your body and mind.
I help my clients forget all that BAD advice and create their own personal whole body connection!
Don't Let the Products Guide You
This is actually how we got into such a mess with all the counting in the first place!!!
Food manufacturers have one goal: sell as much as their product as possible, which they do by getting you to eat as much as possible. #sadbuttrue
Just like numbers, reading about the "health claims" on food actually disconnect you from your own desire, and puts some idea about what you "should" be doing into your mind instead.
Looking at the package separates your from your body and your intuition.
And also buy quality foods with the shortest ingredient list possible, and simply "ingredients" whenever you can as well. That makes it WAY easier to the whole trusting your body thing.
Forget ALL The Rules & Restrictions
Yup. I said it.
Forget ALL the rules. Because rules and food just don't go together.*
(*As always, please trust and follow your doctor's medical advice because there are always exceptions to the rules, even the rule that you shouldn't have any rules.)
The truth is that everyone is preaching about what you should or shouldn't eat.
But no berry from the amazon is going to make you live forever, just as one bag of hot cheetos isn't going to kill you.
And, worse yet, all the mixed messages and crazy hype about the good and evil foods of the world actually just cause us to feel stressed and overwhelmed, and end up causing us to make BAD decisions.
Again, all this damn information DISCONNECTS us from our bodies! We just can't tune in when we have to think so freaking much!! And when we are disconnected we grab the cookies or the chocolate or the whatever and eat it... and then we feel SO BAD about it!!!
Allowing yourself to eat freely actually FREES you to eat WELL.
Stop FIghting With Yourself
As soon as you tell yourself,
“You can never eat _____” …
it is guaranteed that another part of you will start demanding ____!
This sets you up to sabotage ALL your efforts!
Any approach to health based on all those rules and restrictions we just talked about? This will always lead you to battle within yourself, and when you battle yourself... YOU always lose.
Oh, also, when you are fighting with yourself? You can't tune in, which we've talked about is really important.
Also, any time you hear yourself saying "Should" means you are fighting with yourself. Should with food is always a judgmental statement.
I should stop eating sugar.
I should choose the low carb/fat/whatever menu item.
I should not eat that delicious thing.
I should eat that thing I don't really want but think will help me lose wight.
Those are all ways of telling yourself that you suck and you don't deserve what you want. I know this because I used be in a world of shoulds. I broke free from that kind of approach, and I want to help every woman do the same thing now. When you connect your food to your desire, there is no more should.
So, tune in to those shoulds. When you hear yourself saying you "should" then what you "should" do is take a pause and check in with yourself.
This is the #1 Most Toxic Thing In Your Diet
This is the ONE thing that actually causes us to gain weight, whether at the holidays or any other time of year.
This one thing causes us to...
•Eat more sugar
•Feel bad about ourselves
It's not sugar, artificial colors, saturated fat, or any other ingredient.
The #1 most toxic thing in your diet is guilt!
Yup, guilt is at the heart of almost all emotional eating. And it also contributes to mindless eating, too (the close cousin on emotional eating).
Restrictive programs should be shunned as a miserable way to achieve health goals.
There is room for every food you love when you focus on the joy and not the calories.
When You Love Every Bite…
You don’t feel guilty when you choose to eat a cupcake or get take out because you know it’s the right thing for you right then.You are empowered to make EXACTLY the right choice for you.
So stop blaming yourself
Its simple and life changing to stop blaming yourself for the emotional eating and binges.
Ready to get started???
With my quiz it's simple and also FUN. Because now that you know it's not your fault, you get to find out whose fault it is!!!
I help busy, ambitious women connect their food to their desires & overcome emotional eating in a non-judgmental, supportive environment.