The other day was a doozy.
My kids can be crazy. Straight up monsters. I know all kids are difficult, but when my kids BOTH get going, they get a bit extreme. So a few days ago they were just wild in the morning. They wouldn't listen. My 4 year old freaked out when I told him to put pants on and swiped his arm across the counter, knocking all my things down... including my phone, which stopped being able to make calls after that (though I didn't realize for a few hours, just thought it was the network. In hindsight this was lucky.) We were late, which makes me crazy. And I was PISSED. And for whatever reason I just couldn't shake it. I tried to apologize. I explained that I was really mad. I told them I was trying to change my attitude. And that uggy feeling just wouldn't go away. So pause for a minute. THIS IS NORMAL. It's normal my kids are goons sometimes. And it's also normal to just have really bad days when you are pissed at the world over fairly mundane things. After I finally got both kids to school, I drove to the gym. Everything on the radio was BUGGING me. I couldn't shake it! I had a few minutes. I called my sister. That distracted me a bit and I felt like I was finally moving on. And then I went into my strength class, started piling up my sets of weights, bands, mat, risers... and this woman says to me, "Is this your stuff?" "Yes." "Could you move it over there?" (She points three feet away but more in center of room.) "Uh, yeah." I respond, kinda wondering why, but not thinking too much about it. But as I kick all my pile of gear a few feet over I think more... she has NO stuff piled up yet. WHY THE FUCK DOESN'T SHE GO IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM????? Oh girl... when this dawned me 15 seconds later, I had dagger eyes. I had to move to the entirely other corner of the room because I could just tell I was going to PISSED! And I was. I couldn't even LOOK at that byotch the entire class. I was so angry. It was by most measures totally unjustified. And yet... I don't care. I don't care I was mad at her. I'll probably hate her forever. (I mean, assuming I never actually get to know her and she remains the anonymous self absorbed person to take the last spot on the wall even when someone else is CLEARLY claiming it.) And even lifting some hard ass weights didn't check that anger. But guess what did! I went home and started WORKING! Which, also, by some measures is not the healthiest choice. We shouldn't ALWAYS distract ourselves from our feelings with work. That is what workoholics do. (Using anything to distract from our feelings can be unhelpful. This is often the challenge of ending the habit of using food to deal with our stress or emotions. We need more than one tool in the tool kit. ) But in this case, it was perfect. I already knew that my anger was not necessarily commiserate with the unfolding of the morning. And some days are just like that. My business coach who also gives me spiritual advice is always telling me to embrace my feelings, and I did. I embraced. I allowed. Then I worked my booty off to move on!! And I blame that woman for ruining my morning.
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I have had neck/shoulder pain for a while, and especially since my second son was born. After he was born the pain was debilitating. I couldn't hold him & could barely move. I went to physical therapy for a while, made progress, worked on neck strength and mobility at home (because, you know...babysitter arrives, transition time, 20 minutes to drive there, wait around 5-10 minutes, only 20 minutes with the physical therapist, pay, 20 minutes home... pay babysitter. You can only go for so long). I did make good progress with strength, but I went back to PT for a while. Made progress, worked on it at home. Felt good about the whole thing. Then I was getting headaches and not able to figure out why. I thought I was maybe dehydrated. So I hired myself a health coach last year. (Yes even health coaches need health coaches at times!) That work was really helpful, and I discovered it was still the neck issues, and that it was triggered by lack of sleep! What helpful information my coach helped me discover. So I started working on getting more sleep. And now I'm seeing a naturopath! Because my sleep quality wasn't good, and I thought there may be something more going on. And guess what... I'm anemic!!! So I've been working on balancing that out, feeling less exhausted during the day, and getting more restful sleep. So at this point, as you can see, I've worked hard to take good care of my body. And yet I still have lingering neck/shoulder pain at times. I know I need more strengthening, and unfortunately that takes time (especially because I can only do so much without causing MORE pain, so it's just slow work). And I also have taken to looking at what this pain means in a more esoteric sense. Many times when I've explained my neck pain to friends they instantly shout "It's stress!" And while it's not ever what I have though , I also know they are right. Parenting is stressful. As a parent, and especially as a mother, I "shoulder" a lot of emotions, logistics, and even socks and underwear. (My husband: "Where are all the boys' underwear?" Me: "In the drawer where they belong.") So I'm looking at my neck and shoulder pain as more symbolic in my life. How can I relive myself of some of this burden? Obviously, to some extent I can't. My kids are here forever. So what CAN I change? And then how can I "shoulder" it with less stress? I believe our pain and discomfort is our body talking to us. When he have body issues, our body is telling us something. Unfortunately, our world makes it hard to speak this language. But with a little patience and guidance, we can learn it again. What is your body telling you? Where do you have pain or discomfort? Write me back and let me know, and I'll be happy to tell you what may be a helpful next step to learn more. Recently I suggested a woman who called to try ayurveda or acupuncture, because it sounded like her digestive issues where based on too much "yin" food (like lot of cold smoothies and salads) that can be healthy, but which I suspected may be causing some of her imbalance. Sometimes a new perspective can help you make a small adjustment to course. Imagine a ship sailing and how one change in direction make a great change in the final destination.
I just turned 38 last week, and I have to tell you... I can't wait to turn 40! (And I celebrate all month, so you can still tell me happy birthday if you want ;)
I know people get freaked out about 40, but recently I heard a woman saying that she loved turning 40 because she stopped giving a shit what other people thought. And that struck a chord with me, and I thought to myself, "That's what I want! And I better start practicing NOW so I'm ready by the time I turn 40!" And I have been. That's not to say I don't CARE about other people, but I don't care about their REACTIONS to me. So, of course, I think about my family, my friends, even the stranger on the street, "Oh, it looks like that person might not like how loud my kids are being, I'll take them to the other side of the park." Yes, of course, I still love people, think about people, care about people, and take action to be kind, thoughtful and generous towards people. And what I've realized is that a LOT of when I worry about other people... it's not even really happening. I don't get a lot of dirty looks or anything. But yet I WORRY about getting dirty looks. You know what I mean? And I've got a long way to go - that's why I'm giving myself two years to practice. What I find though, is that the more I practice not worrying about other people's reactions, the less room I have in my brain to imagine other people's reactions, the less negative thoughts I'm creating in general, and the happier I become. I've been encouraging my clients to take this approach - letting go of what other people's REACTIONS are. My client C. has been in the spotlight at work, and in that spotlight she has gotten, shall we say... "haters." But with a bit of preparation and practice, C. was able to hear through the "hate" to the deeper concern, acknowledge the hater's concern, and NOT take the hatin' so personally!!!! This was a breakthrough that would allow C. to be less stressed at work, which made her happier at home, and made it easier to keep her health goals! So, with C. as with me, this approach to not caring about what other people think has really allowed us to take better care of ourselves and feel better all around. I encourage you to try it out and let me know how it goes! Okay, I just had a chat with my mastermind sister (my friend who just gets me and reflects me and helps me be my best self and grow my business, too!) yesterday.
We talked about how we - us specifically, but humans in general - do the same thing over and over, even as we wish we would change it. We observe it, we notice it, we realize it's not benefitting us, and yet it's HARD to change things!! I suppose humans really are creatures of habit. She was talking about business. She has these amazing ideas (she's brilliant), and then she does NOT implement them. Then she has the brilliant idea AGAIN, and tells me about it, and I'm like "Yeah, you said to me before." Which surprises her. I guess she's so brilliant she can't even keep up with herself! And I shared with her how often I write in my journal that the day would have been better if I had gone to bed earlier and gotten more sleep. I'm not talking hours, I'm talking half an hour, an hour. And yet, that little bit is so hard. So she brainstormed an idea for her to get her ideas onto paper. And I agreed I'd talk to my coach about my schedule and my desire for getting 10% more sleep. And then after this conversation... I thought my my OLD journals. Over and over I write things like this: Yesterday was horrible eating day. (And the day before). Stuffed myself on pizza. Felt sick. All day bad bad eating. Feel sick. Ate so much I feel I will bust my seams. One day sugar free. Eating eating eating. And I know that at the time I was not using my journals purposefully. I was not moving forward with them, I was really just recording. So as interesting as it is now, I wasn't really putting them to work back then. And that's the thing. We can KNOW what we need to do, and still now know HOW to do it? So here are my questions to you, Do you know what you need to do? Do you have a plan on how you will do it? Ask me if you have any questions. I'd love to give you some feedback if you are looking for it.
I am a certified health coach. And I hired a health coach! I have struggled with neck pain for many years. Before my children were born it was only occasional and infrequent. But after my second son was born, I became debilitated by the pain. I could barely move! I could not carry my child in my arms! So I went to physical therapy, and learned about the upper back weakness that I had, for years, was then exasperated by two pregnancies, hormones, and babies. Physical therapy helped, but it is slow work to retrain years worth of habits. And of course getting childcare, driving to physical therapy, sitting around in wait room for 15 minutes, getting 20 minutes of physical therapy, driving home again, paying babysitter...well, I can't do that 2 times a week forever. Or really for very long at all. So I went for a while and then focused on making those habitual changes at home. Which works, but of course is still slow. Then I began to get headaches. And I thought it might be related, or might be dehydration... but I didn't feel I needed a doctor. They were mild. And I didn't want the commitment of physical therapy again. I ignored the pain for a while, hoping it would go away. But I knew, especially as a health coach, that ignoring pain is ignoring important information that my body is trying to tell me. I thought to myself "I just want someone to help me figure this out." And then--- SMH! I realized I needed what I help people do. I needed a health coach!!! So I found one! And she was super helpful! And since we had the same training, she told me to do many of the things I do with my clients. I kept a journal of various factors, I reflected upon it with her. But guess what - having someone else tell you to do them MATTERS! I actually learned that it was lack of sleep that was causing the headaches, which I had not suspected! And lack of sleep triggers my neck pain, too! And, yes, I do have to teach myself that lesson again sometimes, but the good news is that it only takes once and I remember :) That is the beauty of coaching - she helped me learn it, so I can remember it for myself. My coach helped me recognize a pattern that had been causing me pain and discomfort. Curious how a coaching process can help YOU unlock patterns with your diet that you may not have recognized? Let me know what questions you have below! I just want to clarify something a lot of people have been asking me lately: "So, do you ever eat sugar?" Oh my heavens, YES! I actually eat sugar almost every day. Refined sugar. Processed sugar. Treats. Chocolate, cookies, cake, candy, whatever I feel like. I actually LOVE sugar. And that is the whole reason why trying to "quit" sugar simply never worked for me. Instead, "quitting" sugar just sent me down a path of guilt, self punishment, self loathing, and, of course, MORE sugar! It was a toxic cycle that I"m super grateful I learned to stop! And that is EXACTLY what my program is designed to do: help YOU stop the cycle of trying to "quit" sugar, feeling bad about "failing", and ending up eating MORE. I GET how overwhelming it can feel to think you can actually eat sugar and not binge on it. I get that sugar feels like a powerful force. I've been through that. And, at the same time, sometimes embracing that truth is the answer. Finding the right amount of sugar for YOU, the amount that allows you to ENJOY the treats, but does not make you feel bad - emotionally or physically, is a beautiful thing. Book a time to chat with me, I'd love to tell you more about it. alegra.acuityscheduling.com I feel so blessed that I recognize my sugar "addiction" in my early twenties, and that I found the help I needed to actually get to the root of my emotional eating in order to change those patterns for good.
Do I still have days I want to wolf down a pint of ice cream in one sitting? Of course! But do I do it? Nope. I may turn to a scoop of ice cream out of boredom or stress, but I stop after the first serving. I had left a borderline abusive relationship - my first long term relationship, and that boyfriend had come from a family where the example his parents set was to be rude and hurtful to each other. So he said critical and hurtful things... he was "just being sarcastic" according to him, but it hurt me and I took it all seriously. I felt lonely and confused coming out of that relationship, and while I had always loved sweets and enjoyed eating them, it was the first couple years I'd been away from home and I just kept turning to them over and over. Add into that mix I had ideal goals for myself and the world and had become vegan... and it's a lot easier to find vegan sweets and junk food than it is to find nourishing balanced normal foods (especially back then). So feeling I was automatically "healthy" by my restrictive diet also made me think I had a free pass. I was reading through some old journals when I had first left that relationship and become vegan (all in the same few months), and I was writing things like the following... these are direct quotes from the things I actually wrote in my journal back in my early 20s. EAT LESS SUGAR!!!! I'm so addicted. I felt kind of sick again today. Too many snacks and junk food. I was in a bad mood this evening. I ate too much processed food today. I got heartburn and felt shitty. And of course my new year's resolution many years in a row was: "Stop eating so many sweets." Pretty sure I just copied that from one journal to the next over several years! I'm not going to embarrass myself right now with any of the poems I wrote.... luckily those were not about sugar, or I might feel I have to!!!! So why is it so hard to stop eating sweets, even though we tell ourselves over and over that we are going to??? Because it's not the sweets... it's what is behind the sweets. I had to figure out the BIG PICTURE before I could finally get to a healthy place with the sweets. I continued to eat too many sweets, make myself feel sick, and judge myself for doing it... If you have felt yourself on this cycle, then get the support you need from me or someone else who can help you recognize the big picture and hold you uncountable to begin shifting your perception and habits. So you, too, can ENJOY that one scoop of ice cream, without eating the whole pint, and without feeling guilty. Discover my 5 secrets to end emotional eating by clicking here. I've been reading through some old journals recently.Whether this is part of my process of re-discovering myself that I pursued last year, or whether it is just synchronicity or serendipity or happenstance... it's been very enlightening, entertaining, and somewhat bizarre.
While of course I have forgotten some incidents and others come alive in my mind union re-reading... the parts about my sugar binging and overconsumption just seem... unreal. Even when I REMEMBER the incident, such as a time on study abroad when I when to the pastry shop and ate 4 pastries PLUS candy and then went to my homestay family and STUFFED myself on pizza despite being full of sweets, the fact that I could have done that seems so FAR AWAY from my reality now that it doesn't even seem like the same me. I've been both impressed and saddened by my own introspection. I was so young, and yet at the same time I had a profound amount of insight, and saddest part of all was the SUFFERING I recorded. I had a deep deep sadness in me. And that was a huge part of my addiction to sugar. I don't know if I'll ever really understand exactly where that sadness came from, though I'm sure that it was magnified dramatically by my long term boyfriend who was probably on the emotionally abusive scale. And yet it is still so sad that that sadness was mixed up with my food. Food was a filler. A distraction. A seemingly "fun" thing to consume when things felt out of control or overwhelming. And at the same time I feel so deeply grateful that I pursued a path of enlightenment with my desire. I began a process in my journaling that I called "Food Awareness Entries" And numbered them FAE #1, FAE #2, etc. I feel so grateful that I was able to learn a way to satisfy my desires and manage my life without eliminating sugar completely! Do you want to learn how this can be your reality, too? Start my learning my 5 secrets to ending emotional eating! Let's just put it out there. I'm not in my 20s anymore. And I don't try to act like I'm in my 20s anymore either.
There are, of course, a LOT of ways to interprate that, but I am going to talk about health! Probably not surprising, right? When I was in my 20s I did all kinds of ridiculous things. Most of those I'm not going to embarrass myself by sharing them with you! Haha! But I will share with you the ridiculous things I did in the name of health! Hmm... where to start... Well, there was the fasting. Yup. I used to fast with the full moon. Once every 28 days I would go all day without eating. I did it to detoxify. And while, interestingly, I really never felt deprived or hungry on those days back then, I can tell you with certainty it would be AWFUL to try to do that today. And, then there was the time I tried to do a 5 day (or was it 7 day?) fast on what was essentially spicy lemonade. Yup, lemon juice, water, maple syrup, and cayenne. While that sounds like a fun and interesting drink to sip on occasion THAT concoction did NOT sustain me for whatever approximately week long "detox" I was trying to do. Nope. I called my friend crying on day three or so because I felt too weak to do anything, so she came and made me some millet to resuscitate me. Now that's a good friend. And, yes, we are still friends to this day! I also quit eating mushrooms, garlic, and onions for a while, because they were bad for meditation. And I was vegan for a while, which I'm STILL all about a plant based diet, but these days I also know it's important to 1) not alienate yourself from friends and family, which restrictive diets of any kind absolutely do, and 2) enjoy the foods you enjoy without guilt or restriction, such as cheese or meat or honey or whatever it is that you like. So why do I share these absolutely ridiculous stunts I tried? Because you know what. I was in my early 20s, and the early 20s are kind of made for experimental endeavors. I learned a lot doing weird health things. Like I learned that lemonade is really not sustenance designed for more than a hot afternoon. And I also share this because I feel like the world of health is still pushing programs and approaches that are really just for young people in their early 20s. While the idea of eating simple foods is awesome, even being strict about "clean eating" is not always realistic in our modern world. And while it's admirable to try to avoid the dismays of modern processed food, you really don't need to go "paleo" to get the benefits. And, one of my favorite things to say: Carbohydrates are GOOD for you!!!!!!! So if you have been bouncing around these crazy approaches to health, or if you know someone who has, and if you find that you STILL struggle with a desire to lose weight, an ambition to eat less sugar, a disappointment in your lack of energy, or just generally feeling LOUSY, then my health coaching program is for you!!!! Find out how YOU can eat the foods you love, never count a point/calorie/carb again, maintain your healthy weight, feel your best, have sustained energy, and look great! Start by learning my 5 secrets to end emotional eating! |
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