I saw red...

The other day was a doozy.

My kids can be crazy. Straight up monsters. I know all kids are difficult, but when my kids BOTH get going, they get a bit extreme.

So a few days ago they were just wild in the morning. They wouldn't listen. My 4 year old freaked out when I told him to put pants on and swiped his arm across the counter, knocking all my things down... including my phone, which stopped being able to make calls after that (though I didn't realize for a few hours, just thought it was the network. In hindsight this was lucky.)

We were late, which makes me crazy. And I was PISSED. 

And for whatever reason I just couldn't shake it. I tried to apologize. I explained that I was really mad. I told them I was trying to change my attitude. And that uggy feeling just wouldn't go away.

So pause for a minute. THIS IS NORMAL. It's normal my kids are goons sometimes. And it's also normal to just have really bad days when you are pissed at the world over fairly mundane things. 

After I finally got both kids to school, I drove to the gym. Everything on the radio was BUGGING me. I couldn't shake it!

I had a few minutes. I called my sister. That distracted me a bit and I felt like I was finally moving on. 

And then I went into my strength class, started piling up my sets of weights, bands, mat, risers... and this woman says to me, "Is this your stuff?"  

"Yes." 

"Could you move it over there?"  (She points three feet away but more in center of room.)

"Uh, yeah." I  respond, kinda wondering why, but not thinking too much about it.

But as I kick all my pile of gear a few feet over I think more... she has NO stuff piled up yet. 

WHY THE FUCK DOESN'T SHE GO IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM?????

Oh girl... when this dawned me 15 seconds later, I had dagger eyes. I had to move to the entirely other corner of the room because I could just tell I was going to PISSED! 

And I was. I couldn't even LOOK at that byotch the entire class. 

I was so angry. It was by most measures totally unjustified. 

And yet... I don't care. I don't care I was mad at her. I'll probably hate her forever. (I mean, assuming I never actually get to know her and she remains the anonymous self absorbed person to take the last spot on the wall even when someone else is CLEARLY claiming it.)

And even lifting some hard ass weights didn't check that anger.

But guess what did! I went home and started WORKING! 

Which, also, by some measures is not the healthiest choice. We shouldn't ALWAYS distract ourselves from our feelings with work.  That is what workoholics do.

(Using anything to distract from our feelings can be unhelpful. This is often the challenge of ending the habit of using food to deal with our stress or emotions. We need more than one tool in the tool kit. )

But in this case, it was perfect. I already knew that my anger was not necessarily commiserate with the unfolding of the morning. And some days are just like that. 

My business coach who also gives me spiritual advice is always telling me to embrace my feelings, and I did. I embraced. I allowed. Then I worked my booty off to move on!! 

And I blame that woman for ruining my morning.