I've felt "ungrounded" for about 6 weeks... since I took my extended road trip (which did deplete me), and yet I also returned on the day of the white supremacist violence in Charlottesville. This was followed quickly by breathtaking news on what seems to be almost daily. Hurricane after hurricane, earthquakes, bills being signed regularly (in a way that feels secretive and undercutting), failed attempts at other more loud legislation, the ongoing wreckage that follows each natural disaster and needs attention lost in the slew of the next disaster, the equifax hack that puts half the country at risk of identify theft (possibly kids as well). Oh yeah, and then the Colin Kaepernik protest suddenly being coopted by the NFL to make CK irrelevant and the NFL somehow the hero??? I'm no sports fan but CK still has no job at the time as far as I'm aware of. And more quietly, I'm reading about the battle for net neutrality (I support this) but also the Communications Deceny Act, a more complicated issue that is somehow a battleground for where we draw the line between free speech and pornography AND amazing the way that huge non-traditional media formats like Facebook escape any responsibility for who they sell ads to or what purpose the ads may be for. Read up on this if you haven't yet. I'm not sure where I stand, but I think we need to have the voice of the people speaking out more than the largest tech giants. And then on top of it all there is my regular life, which somehow seems simultaneously both petty and entirely unmanageable in the context of all that is happening right now. So everyday I try to focus on living my regular life while integrating what I value into it. I've gone through my kids books and gotten rid of some of the old, outdated 50s books that are racist or sexist. I've purchased additional books for our library showed greater diversity. I went through their books and changed skin color with colored pencils, to give them greater diversity because sadly, they were not that diverse. I've downloaded movies (what few I could find) with diverse lead characters. I"ve started frequently different farmer's markets in neighborhood with people of different skin tone than ours. My kids are a big part of what I'm doing in my day to day and I want to make sure they grow up aware that diversity is beautiful and that we need to use our voices to speak out for equality. I also struggle each day to maintain my self care rituals. It's a fight to do it in all honesty. To put a few minutes of self massage on the to do list, which means leaving the dirty dishes in the sink sometimes. To make sure I shower regularly even when...well...the dishes are staring me down. To get myself dressed before the kids have started asking repeatedly for breakfast. But I do it as best I can, every day, and I forgive myself when the laundry or dishes take precedence. And yet I feel the need to do more. I honestly want to GO. I want to BE where people need the help. And I can't - my day to day is too intertwined with little guys. So I give. I give small monthly contributions to Sierra Club, KPBS, and Planned Parenthood...and in the past few months I've given much more than the monthly amount - MORE to sierra club for post hurricane relief and planning for further climate change affects - I've also donated to The Color of Change bringing awareness to racism in our country and fighting for equality - to the Foundation Fighting Blindness in honor of my neighbor and my grandfather who lost their sight - to my son's school for their hurricane donations. And that's CASH. I also continue to up my donation of service for charitable fundraisers because the world has SO MUCH NEED right now and I have to do what I can, ALL that I can. I also have to put my business into forward mode - booking talks, networking, speaking with clients. And I'll admit it's not easy to do when the world feels like it has so many pressing needs!!! But when I think about putting it off, I also know that's not right. My passion is for helping people live a healthy, aligned life, losing weight and truly feeling GREAT about what they are eating, helping them KNOW each bite is the right bite, whether it's a steak, an ice cream, or a delicious and gourmet salad. So I know it's another part of what I HAVE to do for the world. Because the world needs SO MUCH, and I'm going to give the world the best of me. What are your favorite self-care practices? And if you need ideas, sign up to get your sparkle back.
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Fast food is DESIGNED to make you want it, and to make you eat as much as possible. It is literally engineered to be that way. Sometimes getting info about that can help you want to stand up to that kind of deception and manipulation. Movies/Books like Fast Food Nation, Super Size Me, The End of Overeating, etc.
Also, learning about how bad that food is over time may help you decide you don't want to eat it. However, you also MUST address the emotional/lifestyle trigger behind the desire/craving. You don't feel like cooking... that is FINE! That is totally legitimate! There are many days when you may not feel like cooking. Cooking can be a joy...and cooking can be a total slog. I used to be a sugar addict (also very addicting), and now I am passionate about helping people create their ideal relationship with food. I ALWAYS suggest spending some time to understand what is driving that craving. Yes, with fast food some of it is physical/biological...but there is also a lifestyle/emotion to it. In the case of fast food avoiding the work of cooking and the clean up after is a big part of it. I focus on five steps: 1. Count the Joy - learn to celebrate food 2. Love Every Bite - you should eat foods you enjoy 3. Have Your Cake - include treats and foods you love 4. Eat Healthy Without Trying - this takes time, but you can train yourself to truly honestly prefer healthy foods! 5. Have a Plan - don't get caught too hungry or too busy I wanted to explain all the steps because a lot of the understanding work comes first, you have to know where all your triggers are coming from before the changes will last. And at the same you can start with some of the changes -- what usually comes at the end-- while you spend the time laying the emotional foundation. In THIS case, how can you have a plan? 1. Keep food in your freezer or pantry that is better than fast food... look for frozen meals with no weird ingredients. Be it pizza or noodles whatever super easy item you prefer, take some time to stock a few "emergency rations". 2. Keep your fruit bowl full. Add fruit to any meal to round it out. Noodles again? Add some orange slices on the side to freshen it and lighten it. Feels like a fancy restaurant, too 3. Use paper plates. Sure, it makes waste...but so does fast food, so indulge at home once in a while, too.
I told you last time I've dusted off my old manuscript for my book, The Kitchen Witch, and I'm working through it, finding typos, and getting ready to publish it!
I am having SO MUCH FUN reading through my old wisdom, and following the advice I gave myself ten+ years ago. What a gift! Of course, it's not really dusty, because it's on a my computer, and the advice won't really make you live forever, because that's impossible plus - who would want to? But it is excellent advice none the less, and advice which I see I have lost touch of with adulting and parenting... but advice which I am ardently working to bring back into my life! I hope you can, too! Check out these three basic premises (premi?). Check out this simple concepts that inspire the book! What’s good for the inside is good for the outside. That’s one of the mottos of this book, and what you’ll be learning about when you read this book or use it a reference. The book is organized categorically, but the extensive index will help you locate suggestions for specific issues or ailments, such as facial treatments or acne, or by ingredients that you happen to have on hand, like sesame oil, bell peppers, or rose flower water. What’s good for the outside is good for the inside. That means an approach to health that will help keep you happy and healthy from inside to outside and from outside to inside. You can’t create beauty superficially – beauty arises from deep inside of each of us. It’s when this beauty is blocked from surfacing that we don’t feel our best, and from there we can’t look our best. Treat yourself well, and the world will follow. So, how can we take care of our bodies and souls everyday so that we feel good and look good? It’s by treating ourselves to the best things in life, which happen to be things we have access to everyday: good food, good company, and good intention. Let's be honest. It's actually really hard to take good care of ourselves. Society, sadly, thinks it's great to run around, brag about how you haven't even eaten breakfast (and it's 2pm), complain about lack of sleep, etc etc etc. But that is called: On your way to adrenal fatigue / We don't take care of ourselves in 'merica. So, let's pledge together, that we will put ourselves first. We will take deep care of our bodies and souls. We will make choices that are good for our insides AND outsides. In fact, I'm going to eat some healthy snacks AND get a massage this week.
I have had neck/shoulder pain for a while, and especially since my second son was born. After he was born the pain was debilitating. I couldn't hold him & could barely move. I went to physical therapy for a while, made progress, worked on neck strength and mobility at home (because, you know...babysitter arrives, transition time, 20 minutes to drive there, wait around 5-10 minutes, only 20 minutes with the physical therapist, pay, 20 minutes home... pay babysitter. You can only go for so long). I did make good progress with strength, but I went back to PT for a while. Made progress, worked on it at home. Felt good about the whole thing. Then I was getting headaches and not able to figure out why. I thought I was maybe dehydrated. So I hired myself a health coach last year. (Yes even health coaches need health coaches at times!) That work was really helpful, and I discovered it was still the neck issues, and that it was triggered by lack of sleep! What helpful information my coach helped me discover. So I started working on getting more sleep. And now I'm seeing a naturopath! Because my sleep quality wasn't good, and I thought there may be something more going on. And guess what... I'm anemic!!! So I've been working on balancing that out, feeling less exhausted during the day, and getting more restful sleep. So at this point, as you can see, I've worked hard to take good care of my body. And yet I still have lingering neck/shoulder pain at times. I know I need more strengthening, and unfortunately that takes time (especially because I can only do so much without causing MORE pain, so it's just slow work). And I also have taken to looking at what this pain means in a more esoteric sense. Many times when I've explained my neck pain to friends they instantly shout "It's stress!" And while it's not ever what I have though , I also know they are right. Parenting is stressful. As a parent, and especially as a mother, I "shoulder" a lot of emotions, logistics, and even socks and underwear. (My husband: "Where are all the boys' underwear?" Me: "In the drawer where they belong.") So I'm looking at my neck and shoulder pain as more symbolic in my life. How can I relive myself of some of this burden? Obviously, to some extent I can't. My kids are here forever. So what CAN I change? And then how can I "shoulder" it with less stress? I believe our pain and discomfort is our body talking to us. When he have body issues, our body is telling us something. Unfortunately, our world makes it hard to speak this language. But with a little patience and guidance, we can learn it again. What is your body telling you? Where do you have pain or discomfort? Write me back and let me know, and I'll be happy to tell you what may be a helpful next step to learn more. Recently I suggested a woman who called to try ayurveda or acupuncture, because it sounded like her digestive issues where based on too much "yin" food (like lot of cold smoothies and salads) that can be healthy, but which I suspected may be causing some of her imbalance. Sometimes a new perspective can help you make a small adjustment to course. Imagine a ship sailing and how one change in direction make a great change in the final destination.
I just want to say this: YOU ARE STRESSED OUT!
Stress is THE most common thing I see that drives people to feel like crap. WE don’t even re alize we are stressed. Because it begins with the new job. Then that feels manageable… and then our whoever does whatever. Okay, well that’s under control. Then someone starts asking us favors. Then our car has issues. And this is how stress creeps up on us, one step at a time, in a culture where it’s really no “OKAY” to relax, take a break, slow down, and if you are a woman, to say no. And the stress hormones make it impossible for us to make good decisions. It actually shuts down that part of your brain. SO our stress makes us eat bad. And our stress makes it feel impossible to meal plan. And our stress make us think we can never change anything, much less change everything we want to. So we get stuck. We rely on the old habits more. We get more take out. If we want to make change ,we beat ourselves up for not doing it… or for trying and failing. It’s a painful place to live, stressed out, eating junk, and beating ourselves up over it all. The beautiful thing is that we don’t have to “add one more thing” onto our busy lives to change things. We don’t have to go to the gym every day, or eat some special protein bar, or give up all the foods we love. In fact we need MORE of what we love. What we REALLY love. Because we don’t get enough of that. When we choose what we LOVE, and allow ourselves to enjoy it, we actually make more space to start making healthier choices that make us feel our best. And slowly, over a few weeks or months, we can eliminate the things that feel bad, and add the things that feel good. And we will lose weight, and enjoy what we are eating! And we can do it FOREVER. I specialize in helping women overcome emotional eating and sugar addiction, and I overcame that battle myself. Stress leads us to choose junk and sweets, then sweets make us eat more sweets. You have to get off the hormone roller coaster that is driving your brain right now. And to do that you have to start with stress management. Then you add a dose of forgiveness, And you focus on counting joy (not calories). What would this would like in your life?
When we are living out of alignment with our own values, it is WAY to easy to be susceptible to people’s criticism.
Haters are hating to trigger us…and unfortunately we all too often get triggered by their BS. But that is a mistake. And we make that mistake usually because we have our own hater living inside of us. That is because our society programs us, especially women, to critique ourselves. We look at our bodies or even our faces, and we find everything wrong. It’s sad to see how the media we are exposed to trains us in this way. All the ads, even the entertainment, are designed to make us compare ourselves to perfect, airbrushed bodies that don’t even exist in the real world. SO of course when we hear people commenting : “it must be nice to go to the gym...or it must be nice that your clothes are loose… or it must be nice to be able to afford healthy food…or it must be nice to have a health coach” it is all too easy to fall into that negative thinking. Some people don’t want you to succeed… but they are deep in the trap of being stuck with a bad lot. That does not mean you have to listen to them or let them trigger your inner critic. The truth is that more often than not it’s how you prioritize things. I think it's because they try to cover up the fact that they don't do anything about becoming healthier. Or maybe they just need a little motivation, but they aren't at the point of wanting to commit that deeply When people see that it actually CAN BE DONE they are left with the hard cold truth that their excuses of not seeing results are just that... EXCUSES! It hurts to hear these messages from the outside, but it hurts more to hear them from the inside. When we can learn to love ourselves from the inside out…when we can break free from the media that trains us to deprecate ourselves…when we can shake off the haters… then we feel like: I don't let it get to me because nobody is gonna stop me from becoming healthy! You don't have to go hungry or kill yourself working out to lose weight. You can't please everyone…but you can grow big ones! I'm doing this for me! So how do you get to this point? Well, when you approach your diet changes as a lifestyle approach you have to address the BIG PICTURE of your life. You look at all the pieces of the puzzle that got you where you are (wanting to change), and break them down one by one to make changes that last! 1. Give up dieting mentality – it keeps you fighting yourself. 2. Listen to your body – honor what you need. 3. Be prepared – make sure you are ready for your busy days! What can you learn from the haters in your life?
Ever had any of these thoughts…
I'm not feeling pretty. I'm feeling fat and ugly. I have so many wrinkles. My boobs are saggy. Look at your double chin. Look at your belly. It's your fault you got this fat. You only have yourself to blame. If you have ever had any thoughts like these… and lets be honest, who hasn’t? Yeah, some of those are mine…some are other people’s they’ve shared with me. Then I want to chime in here... that is your bitch brain talking. We ALL have one (men and women both), but women are definitely "trained" to listen to that bitch more than men, though both can fall into it. It actually really pisses me off how society subtly but pervasively makes this kind of thinking epidemic, not matter who you are, where you live, what you look like, or anything else. And that bitch brain is probably getting louder EXACTLY because you are making positive healthy choices. I'm not a psychologist, I can't tell you *why* that happens... but I do work with women to help them overcome sugar addiction and emotional eating and I can tell you with certainty that if the bitch brain was one of the reasons why you were turning to sugar in the first place (almost always), then when you begin to take better care of yourself that bitch brain gets LOUDER! The moment you begin to make changes, you begin to think worse thoughts!! It’s very unfair. But think of it as a sign that you’re actually doing something right. Now you have to deal with it so it doesn’t tear you down. So, how can you turn that off? Well, it's multi step process and will likely take time, just like any lifestyle change. 1. Retrain your brain. Practice affirmations, but you have to FEEL them. It's not just words... it's FEELING the words and MEANING the words and going just beyond where you are now to where you can BELIEVE the words that describe the next step where you are certain to be in a few days or a week. 2. Journal. You are likely carrying around old baggage. We all are, really, but you have to get to the bottom of it and understand why stopping eating sugar (or exercising or making a healthy choice at a restaurant, or whatever) is making your own brain into a hater. You must understand how you got to where you are at in order to effectively change it. 3. You have to turn your bitch brain into a friend. Instead of accepting the comments as truth... ask her questions. Yes I'm telling you to talk to yourself It works! Ask yourself why you are thinking those things. As you progress your relationship you can start to challenge her. But like the affirmations, if you challenge too early she will fight back. First understand where she is coming from. Over time you will learn to recognize these thoughts as normal self doubt that does not have to be critical or self sabotaging. Finally, link these new habits to old ones. This works with any kind of new habit - positive thoughts, healthy eating, exercise, etc. You have to find a time... like when you brush your teeth look in the mirror and say 3 nice things about yourself. Since you are already brushing your teeth it will be easier to get this new affirmative habit to "stick" to an old habit than to create a new one from our of thin air. If you are ready to apply these simple yet profoundly life changing steps in your life… If you are ready to reverse your relationship with food and your body and start to feel great about yourself... I'm so excited to share a guest post today from Erin Kendall! What I love about Erin is her commitment to making it easy to workout, despite the challenges you face of finding that work-life-family balance! Here is a FIVE MINUTE - just FIVE MINUTES - workout to get your energy up. Replace your afternoon croissant and coffee with this for a week and tell me how you feel! 5 Minute Energy Boosting Workout When you're eyeing that cookie simply because you are in need of a quick jolt of energy, think again! There is an alternative that will do you much better than a quick sugar fix. Use this quick workout to get oxygen rich blood flowing and a happy hormone boost. Using your legs and any other major muscle group when short on time is a smart move because those muscles require the most blood flow. This is the kinda energy that will carry you for the next several hours instead of the next few minutes like that cookie. If you're still feeling fatigued and exercise just isn't cutting it take a look at your sleep patterns. I recommend a minimum of 6 hours sleep. 8 hours of sleep on most nights is ideal.
Erin Kendall is an American Council on Exercise Certified Personal Trainer with 2 little toddlers at home. Erin has been a personal trainer since 2009 and works with clients in person, online and maintains a community of other Fit Moms through an inspiring and motivating Facebook Group; www.facebook.com/groups/fitmomgo I'm so honored to welcome the third in a series of guests posts from the awesome Boss Mom community! Thank you to Amy Napoli for this week's post! Stress! We hear about it on the news, in magazines, and from our doctors. We know we should minimize its impact on ourselves and families. Our bodies are wired to manage stress. However, we live in an age of where it’s occurring continuously, throughout most of our day. The body is set up to respond with various hormones and physical responses when it feels stress, but it’s unable to discern between stress of work and being chased by a lion. It just knows it’s being stressed. So. what’s the big deal? How is it effecting our health? Uncontrolled stress can lead to health issues such as heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, and obesity. Physically, we can feel symptoms of headaches, fatigue, stomach issues, and change in sex drive, to name a few. Stress can also affect our mood, focus at work, and relationships with other’s. 5 areas to help manage your stress: Sleep: Lack of sleep or deep sleep affects stress levels and in return, stress can cause insomnia. Implement healthy sleep habits – wake and rise at the same time, minimize exposure to blue light in the evening (turn off those electronics), and limit alcohol and caffeine. Make sleep a priority in your schedule so your body has time to rest and repair. Nutrition: Improper nutrition can cause us to be foggy headed, irritable and cranky due to sugar spikes and drops, and decrease our immune health. Look to fuel your body well with a balanced diet of whole foods (think lean protein, veggies, and whole grains). Minimize cravings and mood swings by avoiding highly processed, sugar foods. So often, when we are stressed out we will reach for comfort foods or unhealthy options. Ask yourself HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) and be aware of why you are choosing the foods you are picking. Exercise: Get up and move! Exercise is known to help lower stress levels by producing endorphins in our bodies, promoting better sleep, and stabilizing moods. Pick the exercise you enjoy and schedule it into your daily agenda. Take mini-breaks throughout the day to walk around the block or stretch. Prep & Plan: Help control daily stressors by having a plan for the day. Some of the biggest added layers of stress come from our hectic daily schedules and meal times. Once a week sit down and look at where everyone in your house needs to be. Schedule into the calendar and look for potential pitfalls before they occur. Have a plan to ask for help so you are not double booked and running in two different directions. Plan dinners for the week and take time over the weekend to begin prep to make meal time smoother. Cut veggies and cook meals that are nutritious and can be reheated easily. Always have a plan B! Even the best prepped plans can derail with unexpected changes. It will be so much easier to change focus when you know you have a plan in place. Self-Care: This is the most overlooked area of managing stress. First, it’s not selfish, it’s essential. We have plans to take care of everyone else, but in the end our own batteries are depleted. Ultimately, we have nothing left to give those who need us most. A day at the spa or a fabulous vacation could be the cure, but not reality for most of us. Try to incorporate daily moments of self-care that are simple and require minimal time. Sit for 5 minutes with your eyes closed and breathe deeply, meditate, or read a book. Small moments will add up to a calmer day. There will always be stress in our lives, but our ability to handle or minimize it greatly influence its impact on our health. Set yourself up for success and begin to incorporate the above techniques. Habits take time to become part of our routine, so continue to focus on fitting them in daily. You are so worth the effort! Keep in touch with Amy on Facebook! I am a certified health coach. And I hired a health coach! I have struggled with neck pain for many years. Before my children were born it was only occasional and infrequent. But after my second son was born, I became debilitated by the pain. I could barely move! I could not carry my child in my arms! So I went to physical therapy, and learned about the upper back weakness that I had, for years, was then exasperated by two pregnancies, hormones, and babies. Physical therapy helped, but it is slow work to retrain years worth of habits. And of course getting childcare, driving to physical therapy, sitting around in wait room for 15 minutes, getting 20 minutes of physical therapy, driving home again, paying babysitter...well, I can't do that 2 times a week forever. Or really for very long at all. So I went for a while and then focused on making those habitual changes at home. Which works, but of course is still slow. Then I began to get headaches. And I thought it might be related, or might be dehydration... but I didn't feel I needed a doctor. They were mild. And I didn't want the commitment of physical therapy again. I ignored the pain for a while, hoping it would go away. But I knew, especially as a health coach, that ignoring pain is ignoring important information that my body is trying to tell me. I thought to myself "I just want someone to help me figure this out." And then--- SMH! I realized I needed what I help people do. I needed a health coach!!! So I found one! And she was super helpful! And since we had the same training, she told me to do many of the things I do with my clients. I kept a journal of various factors, I reflected upon it with her. But guess what - having someone else tell you to do them MATTERS! I actually learned that it was lack of sleep that was causing the headaches, which I had not suspected! And lack of sleep triggers my neck pain, too! And, yes, I do have to teach myself that lesson again sometimes, but the good news is that it only takes once and I remember :) That is the beauty of coaching - she helped me learn it, so I can remember it for myself. My coach helped me recognize a pattern that had been causing me pain and discomfort. Curious how a coaching process can help YOU unlock patterns with your diet that you may not have recognized? Let me know what questions you have below! |
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